LET OUR TONGUES BE THE POSITIVE CHANNELS OF GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND COMPASSION FOR OUR NEIGHBORS.

LET OUR TONGUES  BE POSITIVE CHANNELS OF GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND COMPASSION FOR OUR NEIGHBORS.
“We all make mistakes in all kinds of ways, but the man who can claim that he never says                                                                                                                        the wrong thing can consider himself perfect, for if he can control his tongue, he can control                                                                                                       every other part of his personality!”

James 3:2
It is so hard control our tongues because most human beings love gossips.
The following poem provides lots of food for thought regarding the way we exercise our tongues.                                                                                                  Dropping a careless hurtful word about someone’s life can have far-reaching ugly effects on that                                                                                                                              person’s life. But if we say something kind or encouraging about somebody, it will also have a                                                                                                        positive impact of that person’s life. The choice is ours because only we ourselves can control                                                                                                                                     our tongues! Ponder on the significance of this poem,
“Drop a Pebble in the Water” by James W. Foley:

Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there’s half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
Spreading, spreading from the centre,
Flowing to the sea
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone;
But there’s half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the centre as they go
And there is no way to stop them, once you’ve started them to flow.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget;
But there’s gladness still a-swelling, and there’s joy a-circling yet,
And you’ve rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard.
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

(Adapted from “God’s Little Devotional Book”)

 

THREE VITAL KEYS TO LIBERATE YOU FROM YOUR DISORDER OF TOXIC SHAME.

There are three master keys to unlock the chronic disorder of toxic shame –awareness, response to life and your response to God’s unconditional love.
The first one is recommended by Buddha- awareness or mindfulness.
Be aware of your disorder, acknowledge it and accept it unconditionally without any denial.
Be aware of the unconditional love of God and accept it fully.

The second master key is your Response to your circumstances and your disorder of shame. This master key is recommended by Taoism
The Tao Te Ching proclaims that your response is everything in life. In other words, take responsibility for your disorder and your life. The quality of your response will determine your rate of recovery.

The third master key is the focus on the unconditional love of God and how you respond to this wonderful love.
Awakened awareness, and unconditional acceptance of this divine love will definitely lift up your self-worth. If God can love you for what you are –with all your flaws, your shadows, your evil intentions, words and manipulative actions to promote your selfish welfare at the expense of others, then you can also love and respect yourself.
Why? Because you have been made in the image of God and you are his child born with the birth-right of worthiness to inherit the kingdom of God. The final step is how do your make an appropriate response to this unconditional divine love? This is paramount because if you respond with love to everything and everybody without any hate or toxic emotions, you will be guaranteed of the passport to your inner healing. My personal experiences, perceptions and eventual recovery of 60 years of this addictive disorder have validated these insights on the art of being healed from toxic shame!

Submitted by David YKK

PONDERING ON THE EASTER MESSAGE OF SPREADING LOVE AND NURTURING PATIENCE TO REPAIR SELF-ESTEEM

The Chinese classical spiritual tradition of the Taoist philosophy has given mankind a rare gift of patience in addition to the other great gifts of simplicity and compassion for oneself.

Patience is more than the ability to wait; more than the power of endurance; more than tolerance.
Patience means acceptance- unconditional acceptance of the circumstances one is living; unconditional acceptance of other people as they are; unconditional acceptance of oneself as one is.

Patience means love; simply love others as they are and simply love yourself as you are with your strengths and your flaws.
Patience means loving your life as it is with its ups and downs; with its joys and tears; with its successes and its failures.

 

As we are pondering and meditating on the horrible suffering of the crucifixion of Jesus on Good Friday, Jesus has often reminded me of two powerful spiritual insights- love of God and patience with others.
If we truly love God, then we must love our neighbors. If we truly love our neighbors, then we must have patience with them and accept them without judging them. Jesus seems to tell us in no uncertain terms that love of God and love of neighbor through patience, tolerance and social acceptance are two sides of the same coin of the Gospel of Love.

 

In his teachings, Jesus has commanded his disciples to love one another and love has become the defining characteristic of a Christian. At the same time, Jesus has given one strong prohibition to his disciples- do not judge others. I personally must confess that I have often violated this commandment of not judging others. I have often failed to follow Jesus’ teaching on this aspect of love. Through my own personal failures, I have become much more aware of the prevalence of this addiction of judging others in our modern society. On this topic, I wish to point out that Charles R Swindoll, in his book Simple Faith, has made a significant contribution towards a richer understanding of Jesus’ teachings. I would draw lavishly from Swindoll’s writing to provide us some solid food for thought for this Easter season.

 

“Some Christians play a lot of indoor games. Among their favorites is one we might call `Let’s Label.’
Here are some ground rules for starting. Find someone who is different. He or she may look different or sound different or think different. It works really well if the person holds to different opinions and/ or reacts in a different way than the `acceptable manner,’ which differs from your religious group. This game is especially effective if someone has a mark on his or her past record that your group considers worth discussing, even if it is over and done with, fully forgiven, and none of your business…
Actually, there is another name for the game. It doesn’t sound nearly as nice or inviting, but it is the term Jesus used in His mountain message: `judging.’
Interested in cultivating people of simple faith, Jesus gave instructions that would help make that happen. He cuts no corners. With the skill of a surgeon, He sliced near sensitive nerves to reach precise areas of the heart for the purpose of doing his corrective work…It was His way of saying, “If you are serious about simple faith, this has to go!” In this case He said, “Stop it!”

What is so bad about judging? And why would Jesus have reserved some of the strongest words in His sermon for this? Four answers come to mind:

*We never know all the facts.
*We are unable to read another’s motive.
*We are prejudiced people, never completely objective.
*We put ourselves in a position we are not qualified to fill…
namely, we play God. “

(Excerpt from `Simple Faith’ by Charles R. Swindoll)

In her book, Everyday Grace, Marianne Williamson, shares her valuable insights on love. She maintains that when our minds are healed, the world will be healed and nothing that does not vibrate with love will endure. She continues to say that “love is literally the power of God alive on earth. It is a transformative, alchemical, miraculous force…For God’s love is not just His love for us; it is, most important, the love we give the world. The highest commandment is that we love one another. And when we make the extension of that love our primary goal, no matter the circumstance, those circumstances are blessed…The activist would best realize that there is no creating a loving world except through our willingness to be the love we wish to see…We cannot change anything unless we ourselves are willing to change…
We cannot give what we do not have. We cannot bring peace to the world if we ourselves are not peaceful. We cannot bring love to the world if we ourselves are not loving. Our true gift to ourselves and others lies not in what we have but in who we are.”

May this Easter season give birth to a greater awareness of the importance of unconditional love, unconditional acceptance and patience in our broken world today so that every human being will enjoy authentic happiness & freedom from all forms of disorders.

 

WHO ARE YOU? PONDER CAREFULLY BECAUSE YOUR PERCEIVED ANSWER WILL BE DETERMINED BY YOUR RESPONSES- TO SEE YOURSELF ON THE OUTSIDE OR TO DIG FOR THE ANSWER FROM THE INSIDE.

WOW! LET US LEARN A LESSON FROM THIS KITTEN- IT SIMPLY KNOWS HOW TO ACCEPT GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IN LIFE WITHOUT THE IFS AND THE BUTS.

Who are you really?

How you see yourself will depend significantly on your perspectives- the inside perspective or the outside perspectives.

There may be several conflicting perspectives of yourself.
The Johari Window gives us an insight of the different realities of your true self.
Do you want to see yourself from the outside- that is through the eyes of other people in your society? These external perspectives will give you some insights about your superficial self on a make-believe level. Your society or community will exert a lot social pressure on you through the accepted customs or traditions, religious practices or current social values. If you succumbed to the values of the world, then you are likely to move with the flow of the social tides and find that your happiness will depend on the ebbs of the tides of social approval.

If you depend on the outside sources of assessing your true self, most toxic gossips or scandals have the capacity to erode your self esteem significantly.
Any adversity or mistakes can upset our fortunes in our life.
Our life will be like a fragile boat floating on the sea without any anchor.

The main flaw about this external perspective of the self is that the primary determinants affecting your self-image or self-esteem are changing all the time without any permanent anchor. As a result, your real happiness will also move up and down depending on your emotional tides lapping on your self. Hence no two days are the same and no relationships will last forever. Hence the external criteria of measuring your true self are unreliable.
This is the ultimate reality of our life- the only constant in our life is change.

On the other hand, it does not mean that the outside perspectives of the self are useless.
If these external inputs are seen and interpreted in the right perspective, they can be used to form a balanced perspective of our true self. Any negative information from the outside sources can be viewed realistically as part and parcel of the human hubris. This information can be used to grind away the sharp edges of our egos leading to a positive and balanced perception of our authentic self. Any negative aspect of the self is the shadow of the light or the black versus the white or the yin and yang of life in our world.
Any refusal to see the bad sides of our life will eventually lead to the formation of self-denial that will make us behave like the ostrich burying its head in the sand in the midst of danger or crisis. But it is important to be aware that the prolonged harboring of such negative sentiments over a long period may lead to toxic shame and serious degradation of our self-esteems, thereby undermining our mental health.

The ultimate reality in your life is to be true to yourself- to seek the truth about your life without any serious distortion from the outside. At the end of the day, it is our responsibility to see that the truth will prevail in our lives. We have the option to choose fantasy or self-denial or the truth in our lives. What is the truth will depend on your interpretation of your priorities or your perceptions of your life.
If you choose self-denial to be the truth in your life, then self-denial will become the primary lens that you use to see the world. This fake lens of self-denial will lead you to live a make-believe life of fantasy and illusion. What a terrible waste it will be!
Similarly, if you choose love to be the truth in your life, then you will become a more loving person. Love is the essential truth that no
sage will quarrel with you because it is the essential nature of our Creator.

As finite human beings, we can often craft our versions of truths from the various kinds of experiences and responses in our lives. Bad things can happen in your life but it is your response that will define the truths in your life unless you choose to allow the adversities to define the truth for you. Just look at the great people like Nelson Mandala or Gandhi.
They did not allow their unjust imprisonment to define the truth in their lives.
Instead they choose love and forgiveness in their responses to the bad things happening in their broken world.
Similarly you and I can also choose our positive responses to the bad things in our broken world to define our truths and our lives. As philosophers used to say, your response is everything in life.

Food For Thought

The most important truth for wounded human beings to bear in mind is that they are the children of God and they are the objects of God’s unconditional love.
Yes, nothing is more precious than this divine promise and proclamation for wounded human beings especially those suffering from wounded self-esteem, hopelessness and despair. This is the panacea for the inner healing of the souls of the victims.
If nothing works for you to restore your wholesome self-esteem and human dignity, then the unconditional love of God would certainly work wonders for your souls.
When mired in the midst of despair and toxic emotions, it is not important to understand the mysterious whys of God’s love for us. What is important is for us to be aware of this rare gift and to accept this rare invaluable gem as proof of God’s love for us.
Once you have accepted this wonderful gift and make the commitment to change your life for the better by becoming a more loving human being, then God‘s grace can work little miracles of loving transformations in your life.
Love is always the best response in life no matter what the circumstances are.

Submitted by David YKK

ASKING SOME ZEN QUESTIONS LIKE `IS THAT SO?’ OR `SO WHAT?’ MAY RELEASE YOU FROM YOUR PERCEPTUAL PRISON.

Let me share with you some anecdotes  from `Zen Questions’ that will certainly give us some valuable insights on the art of coping with the troubles in life.

One interesting fable tells us that a poor farmer was returning from his fields when he found a wild horse near his house. He managed to throw a rope around its neck and brought it home. His neighbors congratulated him on his good luck. Th e farmer responded  with only one word, `Maybe.’ The next day, his son tried to ride the horse but he fell off and broke his leg. “How unlucky!” cried his neighbors. But the farmer responded with one word- `Maybe’. A week later, some soldiers came to the village and forced all the healthy young men to join the army. But they did not pick the farmer’s son who was suffering from a broken leg. “Aren’t you lucky?” said the neighbors again. But the farmer responded with the same word- `Maybe’.

Robert Allen, the author of Zen Questions, shares his interesting insight based on the above story, “Our circumstances are what they are. To wish them otherwise is to fall into the trap of duality. If you think yourself lucky, then you are merely preparing the ground for being unlucky. If you feel you are happy now, then you must be at some stage unhappy. Why now take things as they come? Eat your meal, then wash your plate. That’s Zen.”

Once upon a time, a young girl became pregnant but  she would not revealed the identity of the father. Finally, after much questioning and under pressure from her parents, the girl named Hakuin, a well-known Zen master, as the man responsible for her pregnancy. Filled as anger, her parents went to accuse Hakuin and demand that he look after the new born baby.   Hakuin’s response was, “Is that so?” and then took the baby from them.  Of course, there was a huge scandal and Hakuin completely lost his good reputation. But he did not care about that. For a year, he looked after the child. He fed it, changed its diapers, played with it, and in all respects treated it just as though it was his own. Eventually, the girl could not bear her guilt any longer and she admitted that the real father of her child was somebody else. The parents, cringing with embarrassment, went to Hakuin to offer their profound apologies. Then they explained what had happened and asked for the child back. “Is that so?” asked Hakuin, as he handed the child back to the grandparents.

Robert Allen shares another insight with us. Zen makes a point of nonattachment which is different from detachment. To cling to things, people, reputation, possessions, and opinions is the surest way to suffering. You cannot grasp those things and, sooner or later, they will be ripped from you. You may ask, “Why didn’t Hakuin defend his reputation and maintain his innocence?” Or, “Didn’t he love the baby after he had looked after it for a year?” The point is that he did what he had to do. In the midst of such toxic circumstances, Hakuin believed that compassion was his best response. Someone had to look after the baby; so he did it without any fuss. But he didn’t get entangled with `love’ which is often perceived as a kind of possessiveness. So when it was time to hand the baby back to the rightful owners, he was able to give it up without any fuss.

In the coming year, may the Good Lord bless you with the awareness of his unconditional love and the spirit  of non-attachment as well as detachment. Just let go of your desire to cling onto your tarnished reputation damaged by gossips, or tangible possessions that are lost or the disappearing love and friendships in the midst of your adversity. Just as the French proverb says, `All things will pass away.’ Only God’s love matters for the nourishment of your soul and your life. If God still loves you deeply, you and He are in the majority! This is the eternal truth.

 

X’MAS MESSAGE FOR WOUNDED PEOPLE- USE SIMPLICITY AS YOUR NEW GUIDEPOST DURING THIS SACRED SEASON TO FIND CONTENTMENT, INNER PEACE & REAL JOY IN THE MIDST OF ADVERSITY AND SUFFERING.

 

Simplicity should be the hallmark of all Christmas seasons.

The world of today is tottering on the verge of financial and economic chaos with massive unemployment in the West. Against this bleak global environment and background, simplicity has become an essential life skill cum virtue for the ordinary person. Once, a person has recast his negative perception into a positive one, then he/ she will be able to keep calm in the eyes of the financial storm that is threatening to tear up the global economic structures.

How do we develop simplicity as our core value in life?

“Life is basically pretty simple…
We can, however, make it very complicated. There’s no straight line that can’t be made crooked, not easy task that can’t be made hard, no clear statement that can’t be obscured… Even Victor Serebriakoff, (President of Mensa) said,
`Unfortunately, intelligence is no guarantee against stupidity.’ But there’s a direct path out of all these needless entanglements, a simple way back to simplicity…
We don’t have to get lost in a dizzying array of choices. The 13th century philosopher-monk, William of Ockham, once remarked, `Entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily.’ Ockham’s Razor- cuts through all needlessly complex explanations of a given set of data and, till proven otherwise, assumes the simplest explanation to be true. In the same way, we can cut through all needlessly complex responses to a given life experience and, till proven otherwise, assume the simplest response to be the best.”
(an extract from my scrap-book, Food for Thought- author unknown)

Simplicity was one of the main pillars of Christian living for many centuries until the last five decades and it was the distinguishing characteristic of the life of Jesus. Unfortunately, this great quality has been significantly eroded in modern times when most people are infected by the toxic virus of consumerism and severely aggravated by greed and envy. As a result of this prevalent spiritual infection, the mass media via the internet, TV & printed media advertisements are designed to encourage us to climb the social ladder and `follow the successful or better-attired Joneses’.

`In a world of appearances, be sure to weigh the underlying substance.’ Stephen C. Paul
What do you think Jesus would say to our present lifestyle of `collect and accumulate’ as much of material things and wealth as possible?
I don’t think Jesus would say anything apart from two simple words- `follow me.’
Yes, if we want to follow Jesus, look at his lifestyle- a perfect model of simplicity.
He was born in a manger, by the roadside. His attires were simple and few.
His food was simple. He walked from place to place preaching and healing sick people.
His most luxurious mode of transport was the donkey that carried him into Jerusalem.
His travel accommodation was given free by his disciples.
Right until the very end, he died by the roadside on the cross.

In reality, simplicity is much more than just appearances that can be measured in terms of material and worldly things. Hugh Prather enlightens us further by sharing his insight:
“Simplicity is a characteristic of mind and cannot be judged by appearances. It is an integration, a stability, a settledness, a straightforwardness, a purity of mind that is often expressed in a simpler lifestyle- a simpler diet, a more orderly routine, a more intelligent use of time, less clutter, less financial chaos, fewer involvements- in other words,
less world, more peace.”
Yes, simplicity would be inevitably followed by more inner peace because one’s life would be made less cluttered by the complications of modern living. When there is less world demands in our lives, then we will find more quality time to focus on our family relationships and on our spiritual needs. Then we will be able to focus on the core elements in our lives. What are the non-negotiable elements of your life?
What are the things you absolutely must have and do so that you can feel that you have lived your life and not wasted it? The well-known author, Harald Kushner, provides an appropriate answer for us to ponder, “What’s non-negotiable – what’s important to us that gives meaning and balance to our lives- is different at different times. So we can expect the particulars to change as we change. But our determination to have them should not waver.”
Living simply is not easy. The goal of simplicity calls us to turn away from the goals of much of our culture. Living simply may call us to draw away from long-held associations with some friends and neighbors. It may mean giving up things and ways of being what we have enjoyed… Living simply also means being more intentional about everything and being vulnerable and open to the wonders of nature.

During this Christmas, Jesus calls us to live a more simple life and putting more love into what we are doing. With a simple life, we have more quality time to make spiritual connection with Jesus to enhance our inner peace and joy.
Yes, simplicity would be one of those valuable gifts that Jesus would very much like us to offer to him during this Christmas day. And in return, Jesus would like to give us his blessings of `less world, more peace.’ In other words, Jesus never allows you to outdo him in generosity- he would give you an `ang pow; (gift packets given on festive occasions) of rare blessings – his unconditional love and real inner peace. In our broken world today, these gifts are as rare as diamonds and they cannot be purchased with any amount of money. With simplicity, we can take good care of our external needs of our life without succumbing to the pressures and demands of the world. And with love and peace, we can cater adequately to our spiritual needs. This is the sure formula for an authentic life.     What more can we ask of God?

WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF CHRISTMAS FOR THOSE PEOPLE SUFFERING FROM WOUNDED SELF ESTEEM & DEEP SHAME?

Christmas has always been a unique season for sowing interesting unconventional seeds of insights to enliven and rejuvenate one’s life- both worldly and spiritual ones. If we can succeed in reaping some wholesome insights during this sacred season, then we will certainly become more holistic and wholesome in our lives that may become much more meaningful and authentic.

Since this is a season that is closely intertwined with Jesus Christ, I will dwell on some of my personal insights that are inspired by him. As a student of history who has studied the historical sources of the history of Israel, I am convinced that Jesus was a real historical figure who has much more authenticity and validity than many other historical figures such as Alexander the Great or Julius Caesar, Plato or Aristotle etc.  Even the first century Jewish historian, Flavius Josephus (c37-c100) write about Jesus in the `Antiquities of the Jews’. 

In the first passage, called the Testimonium Flavianum,  Flavius Josephus wrote: “About this time came Jesus, a wise man, if indeed it is appropriate to call him a man. For he was a performer of paradoxical feats, a teacher of people who accept the unusual with pleasure, and he won over many of the Jews and also many Greeks. He was the Christ. When Pilate, upon the accusation of the first men amongst us, condemned him to be crucified, those who had formerly loved him did not cease to follow him, for he appeared to them on the third day, living again, as the divine prophets foretold, along with a myriad of other marvellous things concerning him. And the tribe of the Christians, so named after him, has not disappeared to this day.”

Charles Guignebert (1867–1939), Professor of the History of Christianity at the Sorbonne, maintained that the “conclusions which are justified by the documentary evidence may be summed up as follows: Jesus was born somewhere in Galilee in the time of the Emperor Augustus, of a humble family, which included half a dozen or more children besides himself.”.  He adds elsewhere “there is no reason to suppose he was not executed” (Adapted from the Wikipedia).

In the history of mankind, many great men appeared in the past to enlighten us on the way to become better human beings. They have made great contributions to the betterment of mankind. One such wonderful man is Gautama Buddha who has impressed me deeply with his wonderful concepts of `awareness’ and `compassion for others’. Another great person is Lao-Tze, the founder of the Taoist philosophy. has given mankind three great gifts- simplicity, patience and compassion for yourself. Confucius has given the Chinese people the  social and political infrastructure to construct a harmonious society and civilization that has endured a few thousand years until today. Other Oriental philosophers have also contributed valuable ideas and insights towards the building of social and moral values that enhance the building of a strong human community. Most of the insights that we have inherited from these religious pioneers or sages are based on the benefit of the community at the expense of the individual human being. As a result of the strong social and  communal networks, the individual who has fallen through the loopholes for various reasons that are associated with the violation of the social norms, will be severely punished with the social weapons of shaming, social rejection or gossips / slanders etc. There is very little sympathy or support from the community for those individuals who are perceived to have violated the rules and social norms.

However, Jesus stands out among the small group of religious pioneers as the truly radical reformer who came into the world to fight for the `lonely sheep that has gone astray’. He did not worry about the ninety-nine sheep in the flock when Jesus went out to search and rescue the one lost sheep. Jesus provided the world with the importance and true value of the individual soul when he enlightened his disciples with this injunction: `what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but suffers the loss of his soul?’ He further emphasized on the importance of love as a landmark of Christian discipleship- ‘Love one another as I love you; by this will others know that you are my disciples.’

By his various words and actions during his three short years of ministry, Jesus showed himself to be the protector of the poor, the sick and the wounded in self-esteem. He was accused by his enemies as being the `friend of sinners’ because he mingled with the prostitutes and dined with the public sinners like the publicans-  the dregs of society that had been socially and morally rejected by the Jewish society. Jesus further rationalized his moral and social stance by proclaiming that he had come as a physician for the sick and the wounded, not for the healthy because the latter did not need the physician. In this context, we can see that Jesus was truly living an authentic life of a Messiah who came to stand up for the oppressed (spiritually) and the sick (physically and psychologically).

Many scholars have overlooked this aspect of the ministry of Jesus. He came to challenge the oppressive social and moral values of the strong male-dominated Jewish society of his time. No job would be rated lower than that of a prostitute at that time. Yet when a prostitute was caught red-handed in her act of prostitution, the Jewish mob of self-righteous men, wanted to punish her with stoning according to their established custom. Nobody in his right mind, would have stood up for the poor prostitute against the mob by breaking with the social convention and custom.  Yet, Jesus defended the poor woman, a public sinner, and took a huge risk of the uncertain social consequences of being involved in a scandal. There was so little to gain and so much to lose. Jesus stood to lose his integrity as a religious leader by getting involved with such a shameful wounded human being. We must bear in mind that shame is an extremely radioactive substance. Anyone who touches it will be tainted in some way. Jesus certainly knew about this when he stretched out his neck to fight for the prostitute. Why? Because Jesus loved the one lost sheep that had gone astray. Because by this symbolic act, Jesus stood up for the oppressed women. Because the lost individual was worth more than the world in the eyes of Jesus. Because that was precisely the reason why he was born on Christmas day. Because without the sinner, God would not send his Son as the Messiah to be born  on Christmas Day. Above all, Jesus came to proclaim that God loves all sinners on an unconditional basis- no ifs or buts; He simply loves us as we are in spite of our woundedness and unworthiness. This is the real meaning of Christmas.

May the above insights bless your life with true joy and inner peace this Christmas season.