Inflicting Any Person With Deep Shame with Vicious Gossips Is Like Soul-Murder
`The most important things in life are the thoughts you choose to think,’
Marcus Aurelius.
A person suffering from deep shame often also suffers from depression. The two seem to go together. Deep shame, being a master negative emotion, is capable of bringing down the whole mental structure. This negative emotion is insidious and works like termites eating their way stealthily and rapidly whatever is positive in our minds.
Once afflicted with deep shame, we tend to believe that we have suffered a massive catastrophe. Then we begin to believe that this catastrophe has engulfed our lives and has become an integral part of our lives.
One who is engulfed by deep shame is usually the one who bears his or her anguish or intense torments silently. The shamed victim has to bear his or her heavy burdens alone with no one to share the pain. He simply cannot speak to another soul about his toxic shame. His situation is like a deep gloomy dungeon without any window or ventilation. The victim is more often than not suffocated by despair embedded with hopelessness and helplessness. To make things worse, there are very few counselors who are well-trained to tackle complicated shame-based problems.
If the victim has been the target of a vicious gossip or false slander, he or she has no recourse to the legal system to protect his/her name. Even if one can sue the slanderer to clear one’s name in court, the society usually chooses to believe the gossips and perpetuate the toxic prejudice for a long time. Then depression sets in like a bear hug and shuts down the light at the end of the tunnel. Once the victim is severely depressed, it is like a car with a flat battery. His / her energy is depleted with very little reserve to cope with any emergency.
In the words of J. Oswald Sanders, `The mind of man is the battleground on which every moral and spiritual battle is fought.’ However, in the mind of the slander victim, he or she usually fights a losing battle. That is the tragic negative impact of vicious gossips and slanders.
Under such dire circumstances, one must entrust one’s life in God’s hands depending on His mercies and compassion. Reflect constantly on His unconditional Love to jumpstart your spirit and be aware that ultimately you really have a choice to change your attitude or perception towards yourself and your problems.
Thoughts To Ponder
Trusting life comes from making some meaning of who we are and what we are all about. When we confront shame, we become aware of emptiness, a spiritual hunger. Our attempts to fill this hunger with controlling, compulsive behaviors only lead to pain and remorse.
Merle A. Fossum & Marilyn J. Mason – `Facing Shame: Families in Recovery’
David YKK has a degree in History & Education specializing on the History of Asia with special focus on comparative religions i.e. Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism etc.
He has experienced a wide range of emotional sufferings from childhood until very recently.
He wanted to use his extensive experiences with low wounded self-esteem combined with insights and strategies derived from many other psychological and spiritual books to help other victims to build their own bridges to transcend their pain, shame and emotional helplessness. In overcoming most of these problems, he has not consulted any psychiatrist because he is convinced that the answers to unlock his serious emotional problems lie in crafting his own keys to open the doors of the dungeon cells from inside. More importantly, he believes in himself- in his integrity & in the philosophy of showing compassion for self and for others as well as trust in the unconditional love of God.
Being a teacher and writer, David believes that every human being is creative enough to use the tools & raw materials (meaningful and practical info) to craft their own keys to open the doors to their dungeon cells that have trapped them inside. So he proposes to provide the tools and raw materials from his own extensive experiences and seven years of reading and research from many psychological and spiritual books. Since no two human beings are the same, every reader must use his/her discretion and judgment to select & apply what is meaningful and effective for their own recovery. If necessary, readers are strongly advised to consult their doctors or counselors whose professional training will definitely be beneficial for their recovery.
At the end of the day, it is the suffering victim who must lift his/her own hands to pull himself/herself out of the ruts to go on living a life that God wants him/her to live. Nobody else can do this job of rebuilding his/her wounded life. The reality is that the victims must be the authors who must take the ultimate responsibility of writing the scripts of the future chapters of their lives.
The articles in his blog are carefully considered and blended from his own personal experiences and insights derived from various books and internet articles with the primary intention of helping himself and other shame-victims to build practical and meaningful stepping stones to cross the deep chasm to become wholesome human beings. The author hopes that he can make a positive difference in the lives of some suffering souls who are looking for some light in their pitch-black tunnels.
David realizes that he can’t do it alone because the doors to other people’s souls are sacrosanct and sacred. He believes in the power of the grace and unconditional Love of God that can bring about inner healing and happiness for the victims who are open in their hearts and minds to be aware of God’s love.
COPING WITH SLANDERS & TOXIC GOSSIPS 