COPING WITH SLANDERS & TOXIC GOSSIPS

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CAN COLD STARES & VICIOUS GOSSIPS MAKE OUR BROKEN WORLD BETTER?

`The Eye Of God' pleading for some hands to help Him repair our broken world with love and compassion.

 In our broken world with so many people with wounded self-esteem, it is not surprising that a significant portion of the violent crimes may be triggered by cold stares which can be interpreted as hostile challenge on the emotional and psychological level between the person initiating the cold stare and the victim. It is dangerous to make such a hostile emotional connection with a stranger whose psychological and emotional state is unknown to us. A cold stare can be interpreted by the victims as demeaning, ridiculing, and condemning their self-esteem based on their past. And nobody, not even a saint, likes to receive a cold stare that is like a dart thrown at him or her! Worse than a dart, a cold stare hurts the wounded self-esteem of the victim and nothing can generate as much animosity and resentment as damaging another person’s self-esteem.

 In recent years, there have been numerous reports of indiscriminate killings by gunmen with no criminal records and no rational motive. It would be interesting for researchers to do some in-depth investigations to discover the connection between vicious gossips, toxic shame and insanity leading to extreme violence. Usually, victims suffering from toxic shame also are also hyper-sensitive people. And hyper-sensitive people are prone to feel slighted very easily because they tend to distort the negative impact of unfriendly or hostile acts like cold stares.

 Some people have a simplistic notion that sending out cold stares at selected targets may prevent them from committing more crimes. At best, cold stares create more prejudice and social discrimination against the victims who may have been unjustly damaged and who don’t deserve such treatment. Under such circumstances, some law-abiding victims may just suffer in quiet desperation without recourse to the law to redress the injustice.

At worst, some forms of violence may break out as a result of some cold stares and our law-abiding society has been undermined in an insidious manner by various parties. As far as hardened criminals are concerned, the cold stares will serve to encourage them to commit more similar crimes to justify and to defy society. It has become a psychological duel in the social arena. Hate begets more hate and love breeds more love.  It is wise to ponder on the words of Paul Wilson, “To bear ill-feelings towards someone else is more damaging to the bearer than the recipient. For your own sake, forgive quickly and freely.”

 

Thoughts To Ponder

No one can make you jealous, angry, vengeful and greedy- unless you let him. 

                                                                                                                            (Napoleon Hill)

 Someone was hurt before you; wronged before you; beaten before you; humiliated before you; raped before you; yet Someone survived.

                                                                                                          (Maya Angelou)

 If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.                        

                                                                                          (Unknown author)

 Submitted by Philosaiki

 

 

 


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COPING WITH COLD STARES IN UNCONVENTIONAL WAYS

 

A Cold Stare With Sufficient Hostility Can Even Shatter The Glass in The Vicinity!

Coping With Shame in An Adventurous Spirit 

 `The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking

 new landscapes, but in having new eyes.’             Marcel Proust

 We should adopt an adventurous spirit to cope with shame. Conventional approaches will not be adequate in managing our shame.  A spirit of adventure is not necessarily found in travels because it can occur in both motion and stillness. When we are attracted to adventure, it is our desire to experience ourselves in fresh ways.  Firstly, we can do this by traveling to new places where we give ourselves a chance to break out of our cycle of preoccupation with the shameful episodes. In new places, we don’t have get occasional stares from other  people to remind us or give us a `flashback’ to something or mistake that we would like to forget. When we are in a new place, we become unknown `nobodies’ with a new sense of freedom. When our minds are relaxed and released from the oppressive shackles of toxic shame, we tend to look at things very differently.

During travels, we don’t take ourselves seriously. And that is a good effective coping skill. Secondly, we can also experience ourselves in fresh ways by instilling a sense of inner calm by practicing meditation or tai-chi or yoga. In this state of being, we can surprise ourselves and discover in fresh ways the mystery of who we really are.

An effective way of coping with cold stares is to pretend not to notice anything unusual. It takes two hands to clap. If you stare back in anger, then you have fallen into the trap of your enemies who want to use their stares to aggravate you. If you want to respond, do it unconventionally. I did that once when many years ago, when a stranger in a restaurant stared at me. What I did stunned him. I just waved my hand and smiled back at him. He was taken by surprise and felt bad. So he smiled back. Both of us could eat our meals without upsetting our stomachs.

Never lose your temper or pick up a fight over a cold stare. It will only make things worse. That has happened all the time when a cold stare can easily trigger a fight resulting in the death of someone. It is a very dangerous thing to do in public places when you don’t know whom you are staring at! It could be a potential murderer!  Always remember that nobody likes to be stared at! It is a confrontational hostile act displayed by your body language! And hate always breeds hate! I have experienced that kind of rising anger that could result in violence! Remember to keep calm at all times so that you have your peace of mind.

 Submitted by Philosaiki