COPING WITH SLANDERS & TOXIC GOSSIPS

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A TIME FOR CLOSURE IS A TIME FOR HEALING AND RECOVERY

MOTHER NATURE GIVES THE BEST TIP FOR RECOVERY- LETTING GO OF DECAYING BRANCHES TO MAKE WAY FOR NEW ONES.

Suffering from deep shame and wounded self-esteem is often interlinked with toxic relationships or habits or some forms of disorders. The causes of shame may come from our compulsive addictive behavior related to sex, gambling, alcohol, etc etc. If you truly want to recover from your deep shame, you have to put an end to whatever activities or relationships or habits that undermine your self-esteem. You have a put a final full-stop to this chapter of your life. A full-stop must be a full-stop and not a comma or a semi-colon. In other words, you cannot compromise with those toxic elements in your life that is playing havoc with your self-esteem.
I gained this insight many years ago when I was trying to break my addictive smoking habit. After smoking for several years, I realized that the cigarette-smoking habit was bad for my health. I tried to give up the habit. I succeeded in breaking the habit by not smoking for several months. I thought I had succeeded in conquering this habit. But I was wrong. One evening, I told myself that it would alright if I could just smoke one cigarette- just one cigarette. And that one cigarette undermined all my months of effort. I started smoking all over again.
Later on, I tried to conquer the habit. I managed to stop smoking for almost one year. This time, I was confident that I had succeeded. I became overconfident and I relaxed my guard. One evening after a dinner with friends, I was in a joyful mood. And a friend offered me a cigarette. I accepted it without hesitation. And that one cigarette is like a pivot on which my life hinged. That one cigarette compromised my one year of non-smoking efforts and put me back into square one. I started my smoking habit once again. What finally terminated my cigarette habit was the pipe because pipe-smoking has less nicotine and is therefore less addictive. When I finally put down my pipe, I was weened away from my cigarette habit for good.
The moral of the story is this. Once you decide to close the chapter of your life with whatever toxic elements in your world, don’t ever compromise later on. In `Believing In Myself’, the authors, Earnie Larsen & Carol Hegarty, reinforce this important message on closure-
“What could be harder on one’s self-esteem than to be continually drawn back into a toxic relationship, or any toxic situation? Many of us, desperately trying to break free from an addictive stranglehold, make heartfelt, heroic efforts to break out. But ultimately, failing to walk all the way away, we slip right back, inch by inch, into the hell from which we had almost escaped.
When a situation has been deemed lethal, when we come to understand that to stay is to sacrifice self-esteem, then closure, and only closure, can set us free.Closure does not mean sort of separating. It means getting out all the way. It means the relationship is over and there is no possibility of going back… Out means out. Closure means canceled, kaput, the end.”

Successful closure means being open to the new as well as closed to the old.

 


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RAPED VICTIM WHO WAS INFECTED WITH AIDS IS NOW HELPING OTHERS IN THEIR SUFFERING…

 

RAPED VICTIMS HAVE TO CARRY TERRIBLE EMOTIONAL BURDENS FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

This Inspiring Story was Submitted by Jemima Khan

London – What could be worse than being raped? To be raped and to find yourself pregnant by your rapist. Or to be raped, pregnant and discover you’ve got HIV. And for the unborn child to be at risk of contracting HIV.

Three months after being raped by her boss, unemployed and sick, 21-year-old Mathakane Metsing was in her local clinic in Mafeteng, Lesotho. There she underwent two tests.

“Two blue lines and you’re pregnant,” the nurse told her.

“And two red lines here and you’re HIV-positive.”

Metsing cried for two days. Worse still, she discovered that she had passed the virus on to the man she loved and wanted to marry.
And later, that her family was also infected; her two sisters and her mother, who died the following year.

Two years on, and I’m sitting with Metsing for the launch of Unicef UK’s Mother’s Day campaign to prevent all mother-to-child transmission of HIV by 2010.

Carrying a photo of her 2-year-old daughter, she’s one of the happiest people I have ever met. She is now an Aids prevention campaigner and counsellor in Lesotho.

It’s a constant struggle. Despite Metsing’s experience, she failed to convince even her mother to get treatment.

“At first when they found out I had HIV, my mother and my sisters laughed at me. They didn’t like me because of it. Then my mother found out she had HIV and she was very ashamed.”

Her mother died. Her brother died. Her sister-in-law died. There is ignorance, stigma and superstition.

Rape is widespread, she tells me.

Virgins – usually prepubescent children – are raped by men hoping to cure themselves of the virus. Some men even think condoms carry the Aids virus.

At a summit in 2007, the UK government, along with all G8 countries, promised to contribute substantially towards the drugs to prevent mother-to-child transmission.

At the moment only one in five pregnant women has access to those drugs.

Metsing’s triumph is that, thanks to a R15 dose of the antiretroviral nevirapine, her baby is HIV-negative.

·  Jemima Khan is a Unicef ambassador – Reprinted from `The Independent on Sunday